Before Charlie, I thought that people on the autism spectrum did not enjoy being social. (Remember, my only real reference for autism was the movie Rain Man.) For Charlie, nothing could be further from fact. Charlie loves to converse with anyone and everyone.
If you've been around my Charlie, I am 100% positive that he has attempted to talk your ear off. Chances are that he has said some strange things, perhaps repeated the same thing several times, laughed in the wrong place (and a little too energetically,) gotten too close to you or been very loud. Sometimes he says those taboo things that we all know shouldn't be voiced. And I'm not talking about telling someone how old his mother is.
When he was three, he used to say the same speech to everyone that said hello to him in the grocery store. And that was a lot of people, because he was a terrifically cute toddler. The speech went something like this, "Hi my name is Charlie. My favorite color is red. This is my mom. That's my brother inside her belly. I am three." Sometimes he would go as far as to add in additional details, like our phone number at the end. It was a charming little speech that usually made the other person smile. They would always say something in return, because that's how conversations work. They're reciprocal. But, at the time, Charlie couldn't handle this scenario. He would usually answer their addition, whether it was "Oh, when will your brother be born," or "My favorite color is red, too," With the same thing. "Hi! My name is Charlie. My favorite color is red. This is my mom..." At that point, I'd get an interesting look. And I'd kind of smile, say something to try to be funny and move along.
The thing is, Charlie loves to be social but he has to really work at how to do so appropriately. We are always seeking out ways to help him be successful in his conversations. Charlie has learned the rules. You wait until someone is looking at you. Don't break into the conversation, wait for a pause. Take breaks in between your questions. Watch their facial expression and body language to know if they want to continue. He's learned to ask a question, wait for an answer or question in return, and then say something that makes sense in response to their addition. He has learned how to introduce himself. We spent an entire half year working on learning idioms. You know - those little sayings that we all understand, but to Charlie were perplexing puzzles... "There are butterflies in my stomach." "Cat got your tongue?" He has to learn the rules for everything, and his mind amazes me in its ability to retain and categorize these little details. Still, in real time it often goes awry.
Meal times have been especially difficult for him, (meal times are one of his biggest challenges in general.) This Easter, the bunny brought him a new game called "The Family Dinner Box of Questions". It's a Melissa and Doug product. The game includes a set of cards printed with conversation-starter questions. There are lots of ways you can play, but Charlie has enjoyed handing us each one card, face down at the beginning of our dinner. We take turns reading the question out loud, answering it and then we have a family discussion on the question and the answer as long as it feels comfortable. This game has started some fun conversation that Charlie has been able to easily join in on.
Tonight his card read, "If you could have a wild animal from anywhere in the world as a pet, which animal would you choose?" Charlie wanted to say a Wookie, but Andy vetoed his answer because that is not an animal of this world. (Andy also contested if a Wookie was truly a pet.) Overruled, Charlie then chose, "A cute little jaguar. But only while it was little, before it got too scary."
For those of you out there that have similar struggles to ours, or if you're just looking for a fun conversation-starting game for your family... I highly suggest this one.



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