What a week we have had! Two weeks ago we went into deep preparations for our homestudy visit - but the intensity really picked up last Sunday and didn’t let up until the caseworker walked out of our door around 1pm yesterday. For the last two weeks all I could think about was this upcoming trial. I felt that it was crucial that our case worker not only feel that we are “adequate,” but also that she genuinely liked us. Why? The culmination of the entire homestudy process, which we began in February, is a package of information for prospective agencies, caseworkers and birthparents to review. At the front of the package is a report that is written by the caseworker. This report will become our “face” to the individuals that have the power to allow us to add a child to our family. With the volume of people that want to adopt, agents of available children often have many homestudies to review. We want ours to be appealing, to present us in the best light, and to be persuasive for these individuals... Therefore, the caseworker just had to like us!
This all means that I have been quite obsessive for the last week especially. Andy and I worked every night on our house. We didn’t need to do as much as we did, but I just didn’t want there to be anything to detract from our adequacy. My house is now fully unpacked - a feat that I never accomplished in my last house - and cleaner than it ever has been. We cleaned vents, blinds... I’m telling you, we were obsessive. We also reviewed our autobiographical statements, a series of 65 introspective questions that all adoptive or foster parents in Washington are required to answer individually. (I now have a 22 page autobiography and Andy has a 14 page one.) Additionally, we had to prepare a parenting resource plan that will help prepare us to handle any developmental, emotional or physical issues that our child faces. Okay, I am usually pretty good with introspection. I am usually pretty good with writing out honest answers about my feelings. But, I am telling you, this was a lot for me to handle. It was intense. Just imagine the intensity for Andy - and maybe you can imagine some of the “discussions” (aka bickering) that occurred in my house this week.
I love my husband immensely. He is an amazing partner and an amazing support for me. He is going to be an incredible father. I am respectful and impressed with the way he is handling the pressure of this process - but, it was a little easy to forget that last week. Sorry, Andy. The second the caseworker left it was like this huge load lifted.
The silly thing is that we had prepared this once before with our last caseworker, but the visit never happened. (And because we’d prepared it once before, it was done to a greater degree this time.) We have been juggled around a bit since we began the process in February - our first caseworker was not a good match for us and ended up leaving the agency. It took us over a month to be assigned to a new caseworker. But our new caseworker is a great match for us - she is responsive, understanding and knowledgeable. The delays that we have had are frustrating, but it feels like they are over.
The homestudy visit went better than I ever expected. Not only do I think our caseworker genuinely likes us, but we genuinely like her as well. She assisted us in making sure that our choice of program is right for us, (don’t worry - we did not change our minds again,) and interviewed us in regards to our expectations of our future child and our abilities as parents. I think we passed with flying colors.
So, what’s next? Well we have decided to adopt from the US Kids program, which means that we will be adopting a child out of foster care. Next for us is to become licensed foster parents so that we have greater flexibility. This means that we have to complete Washington’s PRIDE training for foster parents, which is a series of four one day classes. We also have to become CPR certified, be fingerprinted, and take TB testing. In addition we need to finish a course from our agency, do some more paperwork and prepare pictures of ourselves and our home. We are hoping to have this all completed mid-October. It could happen really quick once this is all done, or it could take a couple of years. But I am beginning to allow myself to believe that this will happen.
Our child is already born. He or she already exist, and is out there waiting somewhere for us. I can’t describe how weird it is to know that. Or how emotional I get thinking about it. But - we have taken a huge step closer to them. It all feels more real today than it did two days ago. Andy and my journey to parenthood has been long and trying. It started eight years ago, and hope has diminished in varying quantities for the last six or seven years. I feel like it is safe to hope again... and that is both scary and exciting.
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