Adopted Plus Three

This March, on 3/3/13, we celebrated three years of adoption.  The way my not-quite-so-little family has come together has happened exactly as it should.  Charlie was meant to be in our family.  He is my oldest, my first son, and has taught me so much about myself and life and love.

Adoption is not easy.  It packs a ton of challenges and questions and doubts.  It means that you invite a whole other family inside of your own.  In a case like ours, adoption can introduce parenting challenges that you didn't even know existed... that most people still don't know exist... and I find myself walking a tightrope between my desire to share our path for education and my need to protect my son's current and future privacy.

Overwhelmingly, adoption is a blessing.  Charlie and his biological sister made me a mom for the very first time.  Because of that my connection to them both will always be strong, and they hold a place inside of me that no other can take.  Sure, it's challenging and there are days that I question my own abilities.  I am grateful for the moments where I can step back, see progress, and trust that this work is important. And have faith that I will be the best mom that I can be to Charlie, and that our future relationship will be positive and strong.

Charlie is a bright kid.  And I don't mean just intellectually.  Charlie's personality is bright too.  He has the best and biggest smiles that literally light up a room.  And my two biological miracles light right up when they see it.  Seeing all three of my children and their mutual love is a sight for which I have yet to find words.

Adoption, more than anything else, brings love.  The opportunity to love another mother's child is probably the greatest gift I have been given.  I look forward to many more adoption anniversaries and the chance to reflect on our family's journey.

Adoption Day

Charlie came to live with us on March 22, 2008.  We have had 2 summers, 2 falls, 2 winters and are getting ready to celebrate our 3rd spring.  We have seen social workers 41 times.  We've gone to countless meetings, visits, doctors... and have really gotten to know the state's systems.  And now it is over.  Because on March 3, 2010, a Snohomish County Supreme Court judge declared Charlie  an official member of our family.




We talked to Charlie quite a bit about adoption as the day approached, we didn't want him to be confused or apprehensive when it arrived.  He was a bit baffled by the idea.  For him, we are his family and the concept of a judge saying that we are family was a bit foreign.  Still, we wanted to make the day special for Charlie.




We started out with a breakfast brunch.  We had french toast, scrambled eggs, hash browns and OJ.  Charlie was pretty pleased with his special meal.

Once breakfast was over we all got dressed to go "to court the judge" as Charlie kept saying.  Ephram and Charlie had matching outfits... but Ephram was not in picture taking mood.  In fact, he slept through the entire affair - which is just as well, because it was Charlie's special day.

Snohomish County Supreme Court is located in a complex with several other of the county buildings.  Charlie had a grand time in the parking garage and getting up the elevator.  (The elevator was quite crammed already, and I had to get the stroller in as well!)  Finding our building was pretty easy.  It was a beautiful day.

When we got through security, our lawyer met us downstairs and we headed up to our courtroom.  Both of Charlie's social workers were able to make the hearing.  He was pretty excited to see them, and I'm still not sure if he realizes that they will no longer be coming to our house on a monthly basis. 
We had the whole large room to ourselves, and Charlie thought it was pretty neat.  We were probably in there for about fifteen minutes before the appointed time, so we took the opportunity to take some pictures.  Charlie had fun sitting on the benches.  When the lawyer told him that he could sit at the big table, he got pretty excited.  He tried out several chairs.  It was obvious that he was excited, although a little nervous.  I can't blame him, because I felt the same way!

Our lawyer took a shot of the three of us together, (Ephram was still asleep in his stroller,) and then we were asked to rise as the judge entered the courtroom.

Andy, Charlie and I stood in front of the judge and said that we wanted to forever be a family.  The judge quickly went through his findings and then ruled that we were a family.  Something that took two years to get done was over in about six minutes.  The judge then took a picture with us, and even let Charlie play with his gavel.

After the hearing we had to wait to get our copies of the decree.  There was another bench outside of the courtroom that Charlie was playing "volcano" on.  We took a couple more pictures - one with just Charlie and another with our lawyer.

Then we headed home, where Charlie continued to be quite hyper.  We continued to celebrate him and let him chose dinner.  Big shocker here - we had McDonald's.  Then for the real treat, banana splits.  My first job was at a Dairy Queen, so I had some fun making them pretty.  Charlie thought it was the best thing ever, although he only finished about half of it.

We capped off the evening with a couple of gifts for Charlie to celebrate his special day.  He was very excited to receive Handy Manny on his motorcycle and a book about his motorcycle adventure.  My timing was good, because Handy Manny's Motorcycle Adventure actually came on the Disney Channel a few days later.  This is definitely his new favorite toy.

All in all, this was a very special day for our whole family... one that I look forward to celebrating again year after year!

The Foster Years in 100 Pictures

Today we finalized the adoption of our eldest son, Charlie. Expect many changes to come to this blog over the next month, and have patience with this mom that has a million things going on... because it may take me some time to get everything updated! In the meantime, I have compiled a slide show of our first two years with Charlie. As a person that usually takes way too many pictures, you can imagine how many pictures I had to wade through... literally thousands. But it was such fun to go through them all and see how much our little man has grown and to remember all of the things we have done. At first I took every picture I loved, and that left me with 352. So I decided that if I could get it down to 100, that would be pretty good.

Realistically, I realize that you will probably not wait and look through all 100 pictures. But if you want to, you can. After such a long wait to be able to post his picture online, I just couldn't narrow it down further!

Adoption Update

It has been awhile, but we have been diligently pushing forward and trying to get our Charlie officially adopted. Really, there wasn't much that we could do on our part except for continually request that things be completed... and then sit on our hands and wait for it to be done.

On December 18th we finally received disclosure, which was the big thing that we had been waiting for since August. It is all of the information the state has on his background, and the state is required to provide it before adoption support negotiations can begin.

Adoption support is an important step because many children adopted from the foster care system may need help down the line. Having an agreement in place ensures that this support will be available to them, even if it is not needed right away.

Of course, holiday vacations started right after we received disclosure and then Ephram was born. So we were not focused on pestering anyone for a couple of weeks. We were very happy to receive a call from the adoption support social worker on my birthday - January 15th. An agreement was made and mailed out to us the following Monday. We signed and returned it as quickly as possible. And... drum roll please... received the fully executed agreement this past Thursday, the 28th.

So what now? All we need to do is go to court for our adoption hearing! Our lawyer is working to get us on the schedule... hopefully for February 22nd, but if that is full we will be looking at March. And then, finally, our family will be complete!

(And we can finally venture back to Canada for a vacation. We haven't been able to go to our favorite place - Victoria - for two years since foster children cannot leave the country!)

Hallelujah

Today has been a great day so far, and it is only 1pm. So good, that I can hear the Hallelujah Chorus being sung in my head.

Why is it so good?

#1 - Today Little Bit and I have completed 37 weeks of gestation. Why does that matter? It means that we are "full term"... he can be born safely at any time now. I really did not think we would make it this far!

#2 - Charlie has been really sick for the last three days and all sorts of thoughts have been going through my head, like... what if I need to go to the hospital now, how can I have anyone watch my sick child? He even started to show signs of a croup cough last night... (he is more susceptible to it for longer than some other children because of his background.) But, he did not have a croup fit last night, and I did not have to sit in a steamy bathroom for hours, AND today he sounds much less congested!

#3 - Andy started his vacation today... and, with our current need to deliver the baby a week early, will be home until early February. I am looking forward to spending so much time with my husband, even if we will be super tired during the majority of it.

#4 - We finally received disclosure from the state for Charlie today. We have been waiting for this since August. What is disclosure? All the information the state has about his background, which they are required to provide to an adoptive family prior to the adoption. We were waiting for this to be able to move forward with adoption support negotiations. And adoption support negotiations are the LAST STEP that we need to complete prior to setting a court date. Of course, this is right before everyone leaves for holiday vacations, and with the baby coming any day... it will still be awhile before we are able to close the loop. I am sad that this could not happen before our new little boy joined the family, but so relieved to feel that the completion is now tangible.

#5 - By the end of today I will be almost ready for Christmas! I really waited to the last minute to even start getting ready this year... and I am so happy to be almost done now. All we have left is one last run on Monday that we plan to make after my next doctor's appointment.

Yesterday I was feeling pretty down, and ready to not be pregnant anymore. Today I am still ready to not be pregnant anymore, but I am feeling pretty encouraged! I am also wondering what else might actually go right. :)

Gratitude

Today is Thanksgiving. As I sit here, awake at 2:30am thanks to a little boy that seems to be trying to push his way out, I can't help but think about everything that I have to be grateful for. While I can't possibly publish an exhaustive list, here are the things that I am most readily thankful for this year.

The Husband

I think I've married the best husband in the world. In the last year I have seen this man handle challenge after challenge, and not be knocked down. He's been incredibly supportive and I've enjoyed watching him as a father. I feel like our relationship has grown exponentially. Andy is definitely top on my grateful list.

The Toddler

I have the sweetest, most sensitive, and funny little man living in my house. He wasn't born to me, but I count the day that he came to live with us as one of my most lucky ever. Recently, I've been watching videos from the past 18 months and reviewing old pictures - and I can't believe how much this boy has grown up. I can hardly believe that he'll be four in less than two weeks, and I can't wait to see him be a big brother. I am so grateful that I get to be his mom... and that the adoption is finally moving forward.

The Little Girl

Though things were not perfect, and did not work out, I will always be grateful for the 15 months that I had with my daughter. There were many lessons, most of them hard-earned, but I personally grew so much as a result. Our family grew, and I think she did as well. I will always try to hold on to the happier memories and moments... like watching her walk down a shoreline with Andy.

The One Yet-to-Arrive

This little boy is truly our miracle. This is my favorite ultrasound picture of him, although it is months old and he is hiding his face. Soon, too soon yet too far off, I will get to meet him face to face.

The Ability to Move Forward

For a good part of this year, I felt like I was stuck in place. I didn't know how to move forward, or what constituted a good decision. Andy and I struggled considerably with the possible paths that we could take. I am thankful, this year, for moments of clarity that have allowed us to resurface and forge a new path.

A Healthy Pregnancy

This one still seems too good to be true. When we found out about Little Bit, I was very apprehensive about my body's ability to carry him safely. We were prepared for an early birth, and were told that they hoped we would make it to 32, and then 37 weeks. We learned about how care is given to babies born as early as 26 weeks. Now I am one day away from being 34 weeks pregnant. My body is healthier than it was before I was carrying a baby. While I still hold my breath and hope that it doesn't change, I find myself giving thanks every day for this miracle. I also am so thankful for the things I had given up on knowing. I am grateful for the ability to experience pregnancy, with less worry than anticipated.

Grace and Thoughtfulness

Many family and friends have been aware of the struggles that we have faced in the past year. Our family has been the recipient of endless kindnesses and support, often from those that didn't even realize they were giving it. When we have met struggles this year, I have been amazed at how quickly they are overcome through the help of others. This year I have learned more about grace than I had in the 30+ preceding years. And so, to all of you, I am grateful. Hopefully I can someday repay the many favors I've received.

I hope this finds you all well, and that you enjoy a happy and peaceful Thanksgiving.

Adoption Progress?

Yesterday we had a petition filed at our county courthouse to adopt Charlie. In actuality, it's just another step in a process that seems to be road-blocked... with an invisible block that I suspect is completely unnecessary. We are really hoping that we can get this done before the baby comes so that it is a separate occurrence for Charlie, and to help give him his place before our family is extended. In actuality, I don't know how much this really matters to Charlie... who already considers himself a full member of the family. (As do we, but he doesn't really understand what will change with the word "adoption".)

So keep your fingers crossed for us... we are now just waiting for everything to be done on the state's end.