This Many

I am pretty sure that I have previously mentioned Ephram's speech delay.
He has excellent language comprehension, but lags behind in his speech.
I first noticed the delay around 18 months, and he started speech therapy around that time.
Childhood Apraxia of Speech, the diagnosis.

And yes, I have done everything you are supposed to.
From the time he was born we talked about everything we did and everything we saw.
And we have read, read, read since he was a tiny infant.
He loves his books, and always has.
We point out things on walks,
I ask open ended questions.
I let him get frustrated in things,
And push him to use words when he wants something.
I prompt him.
But, although he did start saying first words at the normal time,
There was a point that he just didn't keep progressing.
His words never developed ending sounds.
And he had only two vowel sounds at 24 months.

Now that I have another infant to compare him to,
I notice it more.
Yes he cooed, and yes he babbled.
But definitely not with the same amount of sounds,
Or at the same frequency,
As his baby sister.
But he was my first baby, so I had nothing to compare it to.

He has made significant process since that time.
However, he definitely lagged again during our family crisis last spring.
(Which is not surprising considering the impact of it all on a two year old.)
Just in this past week I have noticed Ephram using words to try to communicate with us about 80% of the time.
It is so cute.
I love hearing his, "K-K Mama!" every time I ask him to do (or not to do) something.
Just a month ago, it would have been solely a nodded response.
It is so refreshing to have some idea of what he wants.
But I would say that his speech is somewhere around a typical 18 month old's.
Soon we will know as the school district is assessing him for preschool eligibility next year.

In his journey toward speech, Ephram has employed the use of signs and gestures.
It started when he was a baby and I taught him some simple sign language.
"Milk" was his favorite sign, closely followed by "more" and "all done".
Sometime in his second year he started making up his own signs.
I can't even begin to think of what all of these signs were/are because they are just a part of our life.
But when we are around others it becomes more obvious as those people have no idea what he is trying to say.
(This all made life very interesting when we had various nannies/friends helping out last spring/summer.)
One of my favorite signs he developed was for the word "big".
He would stand up on his tippy-toes, make a "working-hard" expression and stretch his hands up as high as he could over head.
This meant that he saw something big, like a bus - or that he wanted something big, like a daddy-sized cup for his water.  It was interesting how it translated to anything of large size.

Early this summer, he developed a sign for "a lot".

It was holding up all ten fingers and shaking them.
Usually accompanied by a giggling laugh.
So if I asked him, "How much does Mommy love you?"
I would get the ten finger response.
And if I said, "Do you want some goldfish crackers?"
I would get ten fingers and a tall stretch to let me know that he wanted a whole lot of them in a big bowl.
I was happy to see him starting to use his fingers in some semblance to represent numbers.

Then one day, when I was trying to teach him how to hold up two fingers on one hand, he discovered that he could hold up one finger on each hand to represent the same thing.
So, when we asked him how old he was, he started holding up one finger of one hand.
He'd shake his head, with a big smile, and jokingly say, "Nah!"
And the second hand would creep up next to the first with another finger held up to show that he was two.
He is so endearing.

Suddenly, he started to point out every time he saw two of something.
If I pulled out a cheese stick for him and a cheese stick for Charlie, up would pop the two fingers -
Accompanied by a beaming smile.
If we were on a walk and he saw a bus, and then within a few minutes another passed by,
Up went those two fingers again.
He started to use it to show us the idea of two things being similar.
And, for me, it was a brand new way of communicating with my son.
It was a window into his head,
Confirmation of his ability to learn.
And very cute.

Then his hands started to make shapes.
The first shape was a triangle.
He would carefully make it with his fingers, and then raise it up to eye level and look through like it was a window.
His way of telling me that he knew what a triangle was.
And later a square,
And a circle.

Ephram and I have our own way of talking,
And honestly... speech delay and all...
I wouldn't trade it for the world.

He's Sneaky

Don't let this cute, innocent, perfect face fool you.  When it comes down to it, my Ephram is super sneaky.

What's wrong with this picture, you ask?

He's eating a scone.  And clearly happy about it.  But that's not the problem.  He's standing on my chair, and has taken the half-eaten scone off of my plate when I left to go pick up a crying Macie.  I was gone less than a minute.  And so was my scone - gone in less than a minute.  Can't get upset with such a proud kid though.  And I probably didn't need the scone anyway.

But the next significant food steal, a week later, was funny.
We have a weak spot for these Softees donuts, both Ephram and I.
When we get them at the grocery store, we each have one, just one, a day.

On this particular day, I dressed Ephram and then left him playing in his room while I dressed Macie.
He snuck out of his room,
I'm sure on tiptoe as I caught him often during the month,
(It probably doesn't help that I think this is funny and so he thinks this is the best game ever.)
He went past Macie's room,
Down the stairs,
Into the kitchen.

He had to have gotten a chair,
Dragged it to the pantry,
Used it to climb up onto a shelf,
In order to reach the box of donuts,
(Because it sat on the second shelf from the top.)
Then he took the whole box of donuts to the table,
Procured a plate from the dishwasher,
(Thank goodness those were clean,)
And proceeded to eat
Not one,
Not two,
But three donuts from the box.

The last three donuts from the box.
I guess I didn't need a donut either.

But it sure would have tasted good!

Macie at Five Months

Well, it's been almost two months since we hit the five month milestone.  Thank goodness for Facebook and the record I've been keeping there.  I just went back and reviewed every picture I posted during Macie's fifth month, and every status update related to her.  I feel like I am right back in that moment and remember my baby girl in this time that seems like it passed ages ago.  I know that not everyone agrees with me, but I consider Facebook to be a blessing in my life right now.  Sure, others are probably tired of my never ending updates... but look at the gift that I have because of that record.  I can go back to any moment in time since becoming a parent - which happened the same year I joined Facebook - and look at what life, my family and my children were like at that time.

As Macie hit five months her personality was really starting to show.  During the month she became conversational in the most elementary ways.  She honed in on faces, started babbling in response to perceived conversation, developed so many new expressions, began using her hands in conversation, started nodding as she listened and grew in her ability to show us what delighted her through laughter.  In fact, during our reading time she was joining in and talking with me, often laughing as we turned the pages.  My Macie is a social butterfly, she is.  Also, she may just be the happiest baby ever.  I am so truly blessed.

Stats:
Chronological Age - 5 months
Adjusted Age - 3 months

Weight: 14 pounds, 8 ounces (+2 pounds 10 ounces from 4 months)

There is no five month well child check-up, so I did my best to weigh her at home.  By the end of the month she had some very cute fat rolls on both her legs and her arms.

Milestones: 

• First playdate - 18 weeks
• Spins around during play and twists to grab objects - 20 weeks
• Ticklish - 22 weeks

At five months Macie was in size 2 diapers and 3-6 month clothing; a move up in both categories.

In five months Macie wore 4 diaper sizes and 4 clothing sizes.

Feeding:

Macie continued 100% breastfeeding during the entire month.  I even let go of my fear and returned the hospital-grade pump that we were renting (with prescription reimbursement because she had been a preemie) to the hospital.  Macie ate on demand, and her needs differed from day to day.  There was no real routine to the number or schedule of feedings.

Macie continued to take Zantac to treat severe reflux at a dosage of .5ml two times per day.  During the month we saw an increase in the volume and frequency of spit up.  However, Macie didn't appear to be in pain and had few choking episodes, so her dosage did not increase.

Sleeping:

We had a nice routine for the entire month.  Macie settled into two daily naps.  One in the morning and one in the afternoon.  She typically napped two hours for one period and three hours for the other, although the timing of day for the longer nap would change.  She took all of her naps either in the swing or propped up on the Boppy pillow because she was having too many reflux issues laying on her back... even with the mattress at an incline.

At night she was also wonderful.  She would go to sleep around 9pm.  Wake up between 1-2am to eat once, and then go back to sleep until 7-8am.  At the end of the month she even had two nights were she slept through from 9pm - 7am.  Heaven.  I slept her in the swing every night.  When we got up to nurse, I would sometimes side-feed her, but usually we would both get up for about 30 minutes and then I would put her back in the swing.

Favorite Activities:

• Conversing
• Playing with toys - rattles, dolls, playmat attachments... really anything.
• Cuddling with blankets and/or dolls.
• Holding eye contact with people.
• Smiling and laughing
• Listening to songs - especially Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and Would You Like to Swing on a Star 
• Being held
• Playing on her back
• Swinging

Least Favorite Activities: 

• Tummy time
• Spitting up
• Being immunized

Here are some of my favorite pictures from her fifth month!

First Grade Preparations

As the start of first grade neared, Charlie's excitement grew exponentially.

I have to admit that the fact that Charlie would soon be in first grade, all day school was both exciting (7 hours of school every day!!!) and sad (how did he get so old?)  When we went to go buy school supplies this year, it really hit me.  Just last year I was buying things like triangle crayons.  This year it was all real supplies.  Charlie was so, so excited to see all of his things.  We'll see how much of the school year they survive!

Finally it was time to go to the "Meet the Teacher" social.  Our school district does not release the classroom assignments until just a few days before class begins.  So you go to the social to see which class you are in.  At Little Cedars you also get to enter your classroom and meet the teacher.  Charlie had two classes/two teachers to see.  He was so excited to be back at his new school.

He'd hoped to be in the same class as his friend from Kindergarten, Belle.  I had prepped him that this might not happen, and it didn't.  Charlie recovered nicely when the boy standing next to us (Dallin) happened to be in his class too.  We followed them into the school to find his new classroom - #111.

Once we got to the class there were instructions to follow on the board at the front of the room.  Charlie had fun reading them and doing what they said.

He was extremely excited about the things on his desk for him to take home.

Then it was time to find his Connections room.  It is the door just across the hall from his 1st grade class.  Couldn't be a better set-up.

We spent some more time visiting with Ms. Dickison and saw another familiar face from Totem Falls.

And then we went and found the important place... the playground.  Charlie really likes the playground.  (Understatement.)

Finally, it was time to go back home.  Charlie was jumping out of his skin with excitement to start the new year!

A New Year, A New School

Charlie is attending a new school this year.
We are very fortunate.
His autism diagnosis was finalized at last three weeks before school ended last year.
His old school rushed through the requirements in order for Charlie to be eligible for a new program.
This year the school that is next closest to us started a special program for kids on the autism spectrum.
It is called Connections and it allows Charlie to remain mainstreamed but receive excellent support.

So this year he has two teachers and two classrooms.
Ms. McCormack is his first grade teacher.  He spends most of his day there.
Ms. Dickison is his Connections teacher.  He starts and ends his day in the Connections classroom.
He also goes to Connections daily for 30 minutes for "club".
In club they work on social skills, Superflex and language skills... as well as other things.
Additionally, Charlie can go to "home base" in the Connections room when he needs to regroup during the day.
He can eat his lunch there, do recess there, and go there instead of attending music/PE if those classes are too sensorily overwhelming.
Of immense importance is the fact that "home base" is a productive place.
When he is there, he is always working on something.
It may be school work, it may be social skills, it may be coping skills...
But, he is always working on something.

The Connections program provides a teacher and two aides.
Charlie has 1000 times more support this year than last.
As of two weeks ago, he also finally has an official IEP.
And while we still struggle in various ways,
I have hope -
Much more hope than I did last year -
That school can be a productive and positive place for my eldest son.
Who is so, so loving, eager, bright and intellectually capable.
(And so distractible, impulsive and disruptive in comparison to his peers.)

We were so excited to be included in the Connections program during its first year at this school.
And even more excited when we learned that the program was to be located at Little Cedars.
Little Cedars is the newest elementary school in our district.
It is less than two miles away from our home.
It is a large school with excellent resources and fantastic administration.
As a parent, it seemed that everything was aligned perfectly.

Charlie had some trepidation, however.
He liked his old school and wanted to continue to be a Raven.
So we signed up to attend the family orientation at the new school in August.
Ten minutes in, Charlie saw one of his best friends from his old school.
He instantly warmed up.
Ms. Dickison even made a special trip to the school that day to meet him.
By the time we left, he was more than eager to become a Wolverine.

As I write this, school has been in session for just under two months.
But I feel confident in saying that this school and this program are already, and will continue to be, a huge blessing for our family.

Unexpected

We just got back from a fabulous vacation to Southern California.
Eventually I'll blog about the whole thing...
But for now I'm skipping to the present.

Yesterday I was unpacking.
Overwhelmed, I realized that I needed a place to make stacks of our belongings.
My eyes turned to our kitchen counter -
Which was completely covered in other stuff.
So I set about clearing off that counter.

Just before we left our home for the airport, I'd packed my backpack.
When I'd opened it, I realized that it was full of the things that I had packed the last time.
The time that I left my house for an undetermined amount of time in the hospital.
I hastily grabbed those things out of the backpack and left them in a stack
On the kitchen counter.
The items needed for this trip were thrown in,
And out the door we ran.

Last night I reached this stack from my backpack,
Innocently sitting in the middle of my counter,
And I saw these two little teeny tiny beanie babies.
I was hit.
With one of the biggest breakdowns I've had since Macie's birth.
Just like that.
So unexpected.

These little things -
The little monkey,
The little lobster -
Were used for at least an hour, three times a day, every day of my hospital stay.
That was the amount of time that my doctors prescribed for Macie to be monitored.
As I fought against a cruel set of circumstance,
And tried to keep her growing inside.

Macie was so small still, and so was my belly.
The monitors would not stay put on their own,
And they also had a hard time picking up Macie's movement.
So these little things -
The little monkey,
The little lobster -
Were used to put additional pressure on the monitor so that the test would work.

When I saw them last night,
The memory flooded in.
Sitting in that bed.
Trying to relax,
To pass the time with books, iPad, playing cards and phone calls.
Listening for her movement.
Listening to her heartbeat.
Hoping for accelerations.
Hearing over, and over, and over
That she wasn't having the accelerations they'd like to see.
But she was passing by the skin of her teeth.

As a parent,
"Passing by the skin of her teeth,"
Is the opposite of reassuring.
It's like when you have something tested at the doctor,
Like a thyroid,
And when the results come back normal you want to relax.
And then you realize that you are just a little point away from being outside of the normal range.
"Passing by the skin of her teeth"
Made me think that she needed more attention,
And worry that she wouldn't get it because she had just barely passed.

I remember when they decided that I had to have the baby that day,
As soon as possible,
The nurse came in and asked me if I wanted to be put on the monitor.
I did, so very much.
I wanted to listen to my baby's heart,
To believe it was strong,
And knowing that I wouldn't ever hear it like that again.
Even though I should have had seven more weeks to enjoy it.
Realizing that the sound of my heart was about to be taken from her.
Seven weeks before nature intended.
Because of a condition that nobody can control.
So unexpected.

I will always be a little sad that this pregnancy ended early.
Sometimes I will be very sad, as I was last night.
I do not deny that the experience brought at least as much blessing as it did pain.
And I would not trade a day I have had with my Macie now.
But I will also allow myself to feel sad when it hits.

I threw away almost every thing that I had in that backpack.
But these little things -
The little monkey,
The little lobster -
I kept.

The Pros and Cons of a Helmet

The Pros:
It is cute in its own way.
It makes a great battering ram if you're a toddler.
It keeps your head safe.

The Cons:
It makes your head so big that you can't fit in certain small areas, like in climbing.
It is hard enough to fasten that you need a mommy or daddy to help you get it off.
It makes your head really, really hot and sweaty.

The Solution to Sweaty Head:
Run in, yell "Ma, Ma, Ma" until she takes your helmet off and then book it over to a vent.  Place your head right over the top so that the cool air cools you right down.

Future Student

When we bought school supplies for Charlie this year, Ephram fixated on this backpack.  We decided that he was ready for his first very own official backpack.  (Previously he had used some of Charlie's old ones.)  Ephram was so excited about it.  For the next couple of weeks, he wore the backpack all over the house.  He filled it up with as many books as he could, and would march around with it.  It's hard for me to believe that next year he will be old enough for preschool!

Sweet Charlie

Before Charlie, I had a completely different picture of autism in my head.
The Rain Man, totally self-absorbed and unaware of anyone else picture of autism.

Since Charlie, I have learned that autism doesn't have one picture.
It doesn't have two,
Three,
Ten,
Or one hundred.

Autism looks different for every child.
When you've seen one person with autism,
You've seen just one picture.
But autism itself has an endless number of presentations.

So, my Charlie, it is true that he lives inside his self more than your typical kid.
But it is not true that he is unaware of others.
To the contrary,
Others are a constant puzzle to Charlie.
He wants to make them happy -
He likes to see those smiles
To hear those laughs -
He just doesn't always know how to do it.

So, when he finds something that works,
You better believe he is going to do it over,
And over,
And over.

For days,
Weeks,
Months,
And sometimes years.

This year, Charlie learned about the power of a note.
A simple string of words to make a person feel good.
And now we find them everywhere.

Sure, it may be a fixation.
But this is one fixation that I find endearing and have no intention of quashing.

Gadget Boy

More often then not, if you see Ephram, you see Ephram using some form of a gadget.
He is definitely completely his father's son.

Of late he has really taken to tablets.
We have three, so there are plenty of opportunities for him.
He can do things with those tablets that neither Andy nor I knew possible.
He's taught us several shortcuts, which I sure appreciate.

And now he is even starting to teach Macie!

Good Morning

Ephram really enjoys the freedom he has now that he is in a big boy bed and doesn't have to wait for someone else to get him out in the morning.  He usually picks something to wander downstairs with.  For several mornings he came down like this... Everything you need to start your day:

• One night of good rest.
• One messy bed head.
• A cup of water
• A good book (Watership Down)

Can't help but love this kid!