Ringing in 2012

Once we were through with the birthday celebrations for Ephram, we moved straight into New Years Eve. Ephram is a complete night owl like his mom.  I think that his internal clock would have him go to sleep around 1am.  So he made it to midnight without problem.  While I realize that most 2 year olds would not be able to do this or would be super-cranky-pants the next day... for Ephram it was not as surprising.  He marched, sang and yelled when the ball dropped and had a grand time wearing his lei and shaking his tambourine.

What did surprise me is that Charlie made it to midnight too.  This is the first year, and the first time that I can remember, him staying up so late.  He typically goes to bed at 7:30, and if we let him stay up for a special occasion he will usually crash somewhere around 9.  But he was there, right with Ephram.  Maybe not quite as energy-filled, but just as excited, and very proud to have made it.  (Although he was a lot cranky in the morning, and took a nice long nap on New Years Day.)

Charlie has been in a mood lately where he either wants me to take nonstop pictures of him, or practically melts down if I attempt to take one.  This was a night that he was not in a picture taking mood.  Although, he proudly smiled for me about 5 minutes before the ball started to drop.  And yes, those are Superman Underoos.  The boy loves superheroes.

I love that we have extra occasion to celebrate New Years Eve every year.  But I also hope to keep the two celebrations somewhat separate.  I want Ephram to know that his birthday is special in its own right, and I want my other kids to feel that New Years Eve belongs as much to them as to Ephram.

We had so much fun on the last day of 2011!

Charlie's Letter

We have had an interesting year as Charlie acclimates to Kindergarten and public school.  He has a great teacher and the school has been very supportive in their efforts.  However, Charlie is different - there's just no getting around that fact.  And kids are smart.  They notice everything, and what they don't understand can lead them down different paths.  Charlie has made a lot of great friends this year.  He associates very well with the girls in his class, but he has struggled with the boys.  He has found a very effective method to relate to the girls, flattery.  He is still trying to find an approach that will work with the boys.  One unfortunate consequence is that he has been physically teased and bullied.

There are three reasons that this breaks my heart:

1. It seems so early for this type of behavior to be happening.  These kids are only 5 or 6.
2. Charlie does not go for help.  It is a part of his autism.  He internalizes and doesn't think to tell a teacher.  The only way that we become aware of these incidents are when other children bring them forward.
3. All children are good.  I know this.  I want Charlie to know this.  They are good kids, they just don't understand why he does the things that he does... and they are making a poor choice in return.

This week Charlie's teacher and I came up with an idea simultaneously.  Today I am going into his class to talk to the kids about Asperger syndrome and to hopefully increase their understanding.  I would like to post more about that visit after it has happened.  As part of the visit, we are sending a letter home with each of the kids.  The purpose of the letter is to help them understand some of the special things about Charlie so that they know that he too is good, and does not intend to make them uncomfortable with his actions. 

I want to share the letter here.  It may help others.  And many of you know us and see us with some regularity, so it may help you to also support our family in our journey.  

Hi, my name is Charlie Kovar.  My mom came to our class today to talk to everyone about a big word, Aspergers, and what it means.  I have Asperger Syndrome, which means that I see and feel the world differently than most people do.  Asperger Syndrome is on the autism spectrum, and I am mildly autistic.

I like to have friends and enjoy playing with others.  Sometimes my favorite way to play is by watching what you are doing.  This may seem like I am staring, but I am really studying your actions and enjoy watching you have fun.  If you notice me, I may make a face or say something to you because I am caught off guard.  I like to talk, a lot.  I will often talk about the same subject for a long time, or repeat it for several days.  Sometimes I cannot stop talking and I forget to listen to what others have to say.  I have a hard time generalizing and I am very literal in my thinking and understanding.  I worked hard to learn about the sayings that people use so that I would understand their meaning.  Now I know that there is not really a frog in my mom’s throat when she is recovering from a cold.  But there will often be times when I do not understand a joke, and I may look confused or laugh too hard.

I really like to make people laugh, but I don’t always know the proper way to do this.  Sometimes I will do something that is funny in one situation at the wrong time, and then laugh loudly afterwards.  I do not know instinctively what “good” decisions are.  I am constantly learning and cataloguing experiences.  You can help me by showing me examples of good behavior.  I really appreciate words of encouragement and recognition.  

I feel like I am floating in space so when I bump up against someone I know to stop.  That is why I will sometimes get too close to you when I am talking and have a hard time standing in line with a little space in front of me.  Also, I might bump into someone on accident.  My brain tells me to go from point A to point B and I will go straight there and sometimes it won’t matter what or who is in the way.  I’m not trying to be mean. 

Structure and routine are very important for me and it is important that I know the rules, guidelines and what is expected of me.  My teachers may use special tools to help me such as the chart on my desk.  I have to work extra hard to remember when our routine changes, like when we have a substitute or attend an assembly.

I have sensory integration disorder, which means that many of my senses are heightened.  This can make it hard for me to concentrate and sit still.  I am especially sensitive to light, touch and sound.  Bright and flickering lights can make me nervous, I prefer dimly lit spaces.  I like firm touch, but if someone brushes up against me lightly or taps me on the shoulder it can cause me to go into sensory overload.  I am very sensitive to sound.  I hear noises that most people don’t notice, like flies buzzing in a room.  These noises make me nervous and I can’t concentrate while they are around.  If a room is very loud I will often make my voice louder to cope.  Wearing headphones can help me feel safe. 

When I go into sensory overload my body and brain shut down.  I do not hear or see what is going on around me.  I will often stop talking and refuse to move or participate when asked.  I do not know how to communicate what is happening or why I am upset.  Often I do not know why I am upset.  If you try to talk to me during these times, I may not respond or I may say something rude.  I always feel bad to learn later that I have hurt someone’s feelings.  When I am this upset, it is best to let a teacher or adult help me.  I do best if I can find a quiet, secluded, dimly lit space to calm down.  Sometimes I like to curl up in a ball or go under a blanket.  It helps me if people let me have a new beginning once I am calm. 

Asperger Syndrome is a part of who I am, but it does not fully describe me.  I have many interests.  I really love Star Wars, playing legos and riding my bike.  I am a good reader and I love to spell.  I play the piano and am learning gymnastics.  If you want to learn more about Asperger Syndrome, there are some great resources.  My mom shared the book All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome by Kathy Hoopman.  There is also an episode of Arthur that can be found on YouTube called George and the Missing Puzzle Piece.  I know I am autistic and understand more about my differences every day.  My parents will happily answer any questions.  

Ephram's Second Birthday

My baby boy turned two this past New Year's Eve.
I recently went back and looked through all of the monthly updates I have done since his birth.
Looking at him every day, I feel like he has always looked the same.
But when I review the pictures month by month it is clear how much he has grown.
While I feel emotional when I think about the time that has past,
I can't help but feel joy and excitement at the current time and that which will come.

Ephram had a really good birthday.

We started the morning with donuts, which are probably his favorite food.
He ate his quickly, and started a second.

Then Andy went and picked up his cake.
Yes, this year I bought cakes for both of my boys.
I do like to make cakes too, but the store bought ones are also cute and taste good.
Our grocery store's bakery had this cute Mickey and Minnie cake design.
And yes, you had to get it in a sheet cake.
So we did, even though there were not that many of us eating it.

Ephram really liked the cake and kept trying to grab the Mickey off of it.
He was also very excited to blow out the candles just like Charlie had a few weeks earlier.

But when it came time to eat the cake, he wasn't so sure.  I think he had about 2 bites.
This is just fine as he'd already had 2 donuts.

We had his little friend that he plays with during the week over for a birthday playdate.
And his friend's big sister.
They had a lot of fun playing, and I think the low-pressure nature of it was perfect for my boy.

We gave his friends party favors, and of course had some for Charlie and Ephram too.
Ephram was really excited to see what was inside his Mickey bag when they were gone.
(He'd helped pick out the stuff and put it in the bags, but it's always fun to open something and pretend its new!)

Then he colored the little book and played with the stickers inside for a long time.
He's really starting to enjoy doing artsy type things.

An morning with friends, followed by lunch, more play and a nap.
A trip to Red Robin where he devoured a full bowl of macaroni and cheese.
(But was concerned about why the people were singing and clapping at him later.)
A Mickey Mouse balloon and a Red Robin balloon.
And presents.

Andy made these little Mickey Mouses to put on some of the presents.
Ephram was screaming "Toodles, Toodles" with glee and carefully saved them when he was unwrapping.

The best presents are little every day things.
Like a measuring tape that is all his own.

And two flashlights that could chase each other on the ceiling.

We gave him a big car mat and these blocks and cars from Melissa and Doug.  He was pretty excited about the ambulance and fire truck in this package.

Once all the presents were open, (which took the whole day,) it was time for us to start our New Year's Eve celebration.  Ephram chose his present from Grandpa Kovar to play with first - a brand new set of mega bloks, and the boys were ready to keep our party going...