Adoption Update

It has been awhile, but we have been diligently pushing forward and trying to get our Charlie officially adopted. Really, there wasn't much that we could do on our part except for continually request that things be completed... and then sit on our hands and wait for it to be done.

On December 18th we finally received disclosure, which was the big thing that we had been waiting for since August. It is all of the information the state has on his background, and the state is required to provide it before adoption support negotiations can begin.

Adoption support is an important step because many children adopted from the foster care system may need help down the line. Having an agreement in place ensures that this support will be available to them, even if it is not needed right away.

Of course, holiday vacations started right after we received disclosure and then Ephram was born. So we were not focused on pestering anyone for a couple of weeks. We were very happy to receive a call from the adoption support social worker on my birthday - January 15th. An agreement was made and mailed out to us the following Monday. We signed and returned it as quickly as possible. And... drum roll please... received the fully executed agreement this past Thursday, the 28th.

So what now? All we need to do is go to court for our adoption hearing! Our lawyer is working to get us on the schedule... hopefully for February 22nd, but if that is full we will be looking at March. And then, finally, our family will be complete!

(And we can finally venture back to Canada for a vacation. We haven't been able to go to our favorite place - Victoria - for two years since foster children cannot leave the country!)

Ephram's Newborn Photo Session

The hospital we chose had just started offering in-room newborn photo shoots two weeks before Ephram was born. We took advantage of the free session and figured that we would enjoy the pictures online, and could share them with family. Then when we saw them, I wanted to have them... I am sure they count on this! So now they are mine. :) Here are some of my favorites.

Incidentally, the photographer was using a camera comparable to mine... the only difference was that she had a directional flash. Note to self - get directional flash. :)

Leaving the Hospital

We entered the hospital on Thursday, December 31st - and I was very ready to go home by Saturday, January 2nd. We'd had a long hospital stay and I was ready to be in my own house with my own things. The only thing that I was nervous about was taking care of Ephram.

Our last day in the hospital was pretty hectic because there were a lot of births happening that morning, and so the nurses kept being diverted to those rooms. I had to have my staples removed and replaced, Ephram and I both had to be examined and then after those examinations they decided to send in a pediatrician and a lactation consultant before they would discharge us. All of this had to be done before 2pm. On top of that, we had a little photo session for Ephram (pictures to be posted soon.) We were either waiting for nurses or rushing around until the moment it was time to get Ephram dressed and loaded into the car seat.

I did not anticipate having a small baby, and the outfit I'd brought for homecoming was too big. Luckily I had also packed a smaller outfit, just in case. Ephram really did not enjoy getting dressed...


But once he was loaded in his car seat he settled down...


We walked out of the hospital and said our goodbyes and thank yous. Then we were suddenly alone in the car and on our way. When we walked in the door it did feel really good to be home, and Andy and I enjoyed some quiet time with our baby before Charlie returned. All in all , our hospital stay was very positive!

Postpartum

My little Ephram is 3 weeks old today, which means that it has been 3 weeks since I have been pregnant. For the past 3 weeks I've done a lot of reflecting about all of the changes that have occurred, and I've decided that I miss being pregnant... but I also don't. Here are some of the things that I am enjoying/missing.

What I miss:

• Always having someone with me, everywhere I go.


• Not having high blood pressure (yes, it is back in scary high values right now)


• A face that is not broken out


• Being the only one that can feel him moving all of the time


• Playing games with him when he kicked me all night long.


• Feeling a strong purpose of existing - yes, I am still helping my baby grow but it is different.


• My belly... yes, I actually miss it. Wouldn't have expected that!


• The anticipation of wondering what Ephram will look like and be like.


• Sleep. I slept less when I was pregnant than before... but so much more than I sleep now!


• Food cravings and an excuse to indulge them.

What I am enjoying now that I am postpartum:

• Long, hot showers without worrying about raising my body temperature.


• Being able to go longer than 30 minutes without running to the bathroom.


• No more heartburn!


• Eating undercooked eggs... fried eggs over medium are okay again!


• Eating undercooked steak.


• Eating sandwiches made with lunch meat. I haven't done this yet, but I will soon!


• Being able to lay on my back without feeling like I am going to be sick.


• Being able to sleep in any position I want.


• Having ankles again.


• Not feeling so cumbersome.


• Taking fewer pills every morning.


• Watching the pounds drop off and realizing that hitting my goal weight is very attainable... (which I will start as soon as I get the 'release' that I've recovered from my c-section.)


• Playing with his little feet as he still enjoys kicking them all night (and day) long.


• Watching, comforting and marveling at my new little baby.


• Watching Andy and Charlie be able to enjoy Ephram as much as I do.

Pictures from the Hospital

We spent three days in the hospital, and took the opportunity to spend hour upon hour staring at our new little boy. He barely spent any time in his bassinet because we were constantly holding him. (And that still is the case now, which is something I realize we may come to regret!)

Here are some pictures from the time that we spent. Most of them, except the one of Andy, were actually taken by our friend Anna Marie... thanks for the great pictures!

Charlie and Ephram Meet

The day after Ephram was born, Charlie came to the hospital to meet his new little brother. Charlie stayed with our friends, the Beans, while we were in the hospital. Anna Marie was really nice to take a couple of hours out of their New Year’s Day to bring him down! Ephram was really excited to meet both Charlie and Anna Marie.

Charlie was really excited when he got there. Andy had saved a special surgical hat for him, and we had a “Big Brother” identification bracelet that a nurse put on his hand. Then he was just really proud to get to hold Ephram (with Andy’s help.) Anna Marie took lots of pictures for us as well – including our first family photos. (Yes, I’m wearing a lovely hospital gown.) :)

Charlie was also very excited to get to use his camera that he got as a Christmas present. He took lots of pictures of his new little brother.

Since we’ve been home Charlie has done a great job being a big brother. We are really proud of him!

Still can't put up the pictures on this one because the adoption isn't final. I'll come back and put them up later though, because I think they are cute!

First Bath

As soon as we got back to our hospital room after the surgery, the nurses started getting the sink ready for Ephram to take his first bath. We asked them to hold off for a little bit so that I could make a first attempt to breastfeed, but then Andy picked our little boy up and prepared to bathe him. I was actually really sad that I couldn't help with this because I still had very little sensation in my body... so I watched pretty intently from my bed. Andy did a good job of cleaning him!

They started by washing his hair...

Then it was time to get into the sink...

Andy was very careful with him!

Then they took him over to the warmer where they finished with a little bit of a sponge bath.

Ephram cried the whole time. It has to be pretty shocking to go from being in a very warm place for nine months, to being in a cold and bright operating room, to then getting wet in another cold room! The poor kid was tired. He grabbed onto Andy's finger and immediately started to drift to sleep.

Meeting Ephram

For the past two weeks since Ephram's arrival, I have been meaning to better document the story of his birth. I want to remember every piece of it that I can... so here is my attempt to write it down. It will probably be long. It will probably be boring to most people outside of my immediate family. Maybe it will even be boring to them. But at least it will be written - for me and for Ephram.

As you probably know, the creation of Ephram was a big surprise, (a really good one at that!) I spent the majority of the pregnancy worried that something would go wrong. But I was pleasantly surprised as day after day, week after week, and month after month passed by without complication. But, Ephram had to throw us for one big loop. At 34 weeks, he decided to flip over so that he was in a breech position. In the two weeks following, he managed to completely wedge himself in a transverse position at the top of the womb... it was clear that he was not going to come out on his own. We eagerly scheduled a c-section a couple of weeks later, and were pleased to learn that our baby boy would have a very special birthday - New Year's Eve. For the week that the date was known, we hastily prepared for our trip to the hospital and the arrival of Ephram. But nobody was more surprised and anxious when December 30th finally arrived. I spent every hour of that day realizing that I would never experience it again without my baby. It was a very odd feeling - exciting and scary at once.

Andy and I got a lot done that day. We finished cleaning the house, doing the laundry and preparing everything so that it would be like new when we returned home. We spent some special time with Charlie before taking him over to his friend's house to spend the night... and Andy delivered our dog to our next door neighbor's house. Finally it was just Andy and me, and a growing baby inside. Waiting for the right hour to arrive. We decided to take a couple of "before" pictures.



It was hard, but I went to bed around midnight. I slept for all of two hours and then I was wide awake! I found some more things to clean and some television to watch. I knew that I should be in bed, relishing the last few hours of sleep before the baby's arrival. But I had so many nerves bundled up inside that I just couldn't do it! Finally it was 5:30am and time for us to start getting ready to go. Our c-section was scheduled for 8:15am and we were to arrive at the hospital no later than 6:45am. We showered, dressed and loaded the car. As we got in and rolled down the driveway, I remember thinking about how things were about to change. I don't remember much about the drive to the hospital that morning, but I do remember getting out of the car and walking up to the reception desk at the family maternity center.

This was the year of the swine flu. Because of the expected spread of the virus, hospitals across the country were taking preventative measures to keep germs away from labor and delivery centers. While we were in the hospital we would only be permitted visitors over the age of 12 that had no signs of the flu. We could have Charlie visit Ephram only if he had no signs of the flu as well, and because he is a sibling. When we entered the maternity center that morning we too were screened for the flu. Every day, Andy had to get a new sticker if he left the maternity area. He ended up with three different color dots. I only got this one:


We sat down and waited for our nurse to come out. Her name was Kirsten and she was the best, most comforting nurse ever. She showed us back to our room, I was glad that one was already set up so that we would not have to go to the triage area. We had a white board in our room that the nurses used to keep us informed of their names throughout our stay. They added Charlie to the board so that he would know that he was part of the family too when he came to visit.

I was really starting to get nervous by the time we got to the room... about meeting my son, having surgery, needing pain medications, and a litany of other things. It seemed like everything happened so fast from this point forward. Before I knew it, I was in a hospital gown. I'd had one last ultrasound to confirm that Ephram was still breech. Suddenly my doula had arrived, an IV was inserted, and the anesthesiologist was talking to me about what to expect. Our anesthesiologist was Matt, a resident that was nearly finished. He grew up near where I lived in Missouri, so we spent some time talking about that. We had another anesthesiologist supervising him as well - they did an excellent job. Our doula and Andy put on their scrubs... Andy looked as nervous and excited as I felt!

My doctor arrived and explained that they had decided to remove my ovarian cyst during the surgery to help avoid torsion post-pregnancy. It was a scenario that we had discussed many times during the pregnancy, and seemed like a sound decision to me.

Suddenly it was 8:15 and I was walking. Down one hallway, around a corner and down another. Through double doors. Then Andy and my doula went a separate direction so that they could prepare to enter the OR, and I was walking alone with my nurse and my doctor, through the final set of doors into the OR. Up on the table I anxiously awaited the spinal. It was the part of the surgery that I had most worried about. I am so thankful for how patient all of the staff were as they explained every step of what was happening. I am also grateful that Andy walked in just before I received the spinal so that I could look in his eyes for reassurance. Although I was pretty scared, I knew that this was all necessary and all would lead to Ephram's birth. The spinal went in and the numb feeling was immediate. My feet began to tingle and the staff helped me lay on the table. I was introduced to all of the people in the room - the two doctors, two anesthesiologists, and four nurses. I was asked if a student anesthesiologist could observe, and gave my permission. I started to feel queasy and so Matt delivered some anti-nausea medication through my IV, which immediately made me feel extremely drowsy.

Before I knew it, they were doing the "surgical pause" and announcing my name and the purpose of the surgery. For a moment I wanted to tell them all that I had changed my mind. That surely, we could find a way to get Ephram to flip back to the traditional position. But I knew that was nerves and that it was silly. So I kept my mouth shut and tried to focus on fighting the medications to stay awake. Andy's hand was on my shoulder and my head as I felt them start reaching for Ephram. I heard them say, "Here he comes!" Then I heard someone say that they could see his behind. It seemed like quite awhile after this that he came out, and it was... because he was so stuck that they really had to fight to get him out! I couldn't see him or hear him, but I heard them say, "8:45am." And then I heard them say, "He's pooping!" Andy ran around the curtain and to the warmer to be with Ephram as we had discussed. I really had to fight to keep my eyes open, as I wanted to hear his first cry. It seemed like it took forever. Later I learned that he had swallowed a lot of amniotic fluid because he was so high up in the womb, and had to be suctioned before he took his first breath. Finally I heard his cry, and then there was no way that I was going to go to sleep! I still couldn't see him around the poles used to hold up the surgical drapes, but I knew that Andy was with him and I could hear his little cry. So I did the only thing I could do, I lay there in wait of Andy to return to my side with our new baby boy.

Meanwhile, Ephram weighed in at 6 pounds and 6 ounces, much smaller than we'd anticipated! He was 19.75 inches long, and ... like most of the Boyce family ... had a head that was large in proportion to the rest of his body.


Finally Andy was back. I have no idea how long it took, but in my drug-induced state, it seemed like an eternity. Meanwhile, they had started work to remove the dermoid cyst from my ovary and I could feel all of the tugging and pressure for that. But I quickly forgot it when Andy gave me a first look at my little boy. What hit me the hardest was actually the look that Andy was carrying. He clearly was already in love with our little boy. It was written all over his face and contained in his posture and the way he was handling Ephram.

At first I just looked at him. Honestly, I had spent the last month of my pregnancy convinced that something would be wrong with him at birth. So I couldn't help but stare at his perfect little body. I was amazed that he appeared to be fine. Andy explained to me that he had bruising on different parts of his body because they had to work so hard to get him out. But the bruise on his chin was attributed to the placement of his hand while he was inside of me.


After several minutes my nurse came over and suggested that Andy prop Ephram up on my shoulder. This was huge for me. The only thing that I truly was sad about in the need to have a c-section was that I would not get to feel the weight of my baby on my chest just after he was born. To have them let me feel him, touch him and kiss him took away a lot of that regret. He couldn't completely rest on me because there was not much of my shoulder on that side of the curtain, but I still got to feel the warmth of his little body.


It was about this time that I overheard something about two cysts. It turned out that I had not one dermoid cyst on my left ovary, but two. The surgery was about to go longer. I suddenly started shaking severely and Andy took Ephram back as I tried to relax and gain control. Soon Matt was by my side explaining that he had to administer more medication because the surgery was going longer than anticipated. Maybe that contributed to the shakes, maybe not. The clock told me that I had already been in the ER for over an hour at that point. The only thing I could do was wait and try to ignore what was happening, so I turned my attention back to my little boy. He was trying out his lungs...


And showing us his best pouty face...


And then Andy put him back on my shoulder. And he stayed there for most of the remaining surgery, which went about two hours in total. (If you aren't familiar with c-sections, they usually go from 30-45 minutes, so 2 hours is very long!) I really tried to ignore them when I heard the anesthesiologist asking the doctors about too much blood loss. Thankfully I avoided the need for extra blood, but it was a narrow escape. I found it was much more fulfilling to look at Ephram than to listen to the tidbits of medical conversation.

Finally the surgery was over and I was being wheeled back to my room on a stretcher. I could hear Andy carrying our little boy back through the hallways. I was still completely numb when we got back to the room. They lifted me onto my bed and I watched as everyone congratulated us and took a last look at Ephram.

Our doctor took a moment to pose with Andy and the baby, although she did complain that she would probably have "hat head". Dr. Schocket was amazing throughout the pregnancy. She, along with Dr. Hill who was assisting, did an excellent job delivering our little boy.

I watched as Andy continued to ogle over Ephram. I was a little bit jealous and ready for the numbness to subside so that I could really get to know my new little boy. Ephram was put on my chest pretty quickly in our room, but it was at least an hour before I had sensation in my whole body and could sit up and properly meet him.

After an initial attempt at breastfeeding, Ephram was taken from me again for his first bath. Because I was stuck in bed, Andy had the privilege of bathing him with the nurses help. I watched as I continued to fight off sleep. Ephram did not much care for the bath and protested loudly. Andy found very quickly that Ephram would calm down if he was given Andy's finger to hold onto. We were very impressed with the control that Ephram had over his hands from the beginning. It was more than we'd expected.

Later, when the nurses had left to give us our space and our doula had departed. Andy and I were left alone in our room with our new little miracle. We couldn't get enough of him! We watched him sleep, breathe and move around. We could not believe that this little guy had grown so long inside of me and finally made his appearance. It is definitely the best New Year's present we have ever received. We spent the night marveling at him and looking forward to a good year in 2010.

Introducing Ephram William Kovar

Ephram William Kovar was born on New Year's Eve at 8:45 in the morning. He weighed 6 pounds, 6 ounces and wa 19.75 inches long. He was delivered via cesarean section, which went about twice as long as 'normal' because I had some other surgical things to be done. Ephram has to be delivered by c-section because he was in a breech position, and was actually laying transverse at the very top of his space... it is unlikely that the pregnancy would have progressed if left alone. He was really wedged in and required some extra manipulation to come out. As a result he had some extra bruising!

Ephram had some difficulty breathing at first and had to be vacuumed after birth, and then again on his birthday in the NICU. (Don't worry he was only up there for observation for less than an hour and Andy was right there with him! We are all adjusting to life at home now. It has been fun for me to watch both Andy and Charlie develop their relationships with Ephram. Andy is truly amazing with our little boy and has had a lot of extra responsibility as I am recovering from the surgery.

Ephram mostly sleeps, eats and cries still - but we are learning that he is very expressive with his eyes. We really enjoy his alert periods because he makes some of the most adorable faces.

Here are some pictures from his first moments of life in the operatig room.

Andy with our OB - this is actually in our room, I was still numb and stuck in bed!

Just after birth - proud dad!

They let me have my hands free and put Ephram on the corner of my chest. I was so grateful to be able to touch and kiss him during the larger part of my sugery.

Ephram is really good at crying.

On the scale... yes, he winks a lot too.

First photo with Mom and Dad

Playing with our Toys

We all got some fun things for Christmas, and we spent nearly the whole afternoon playing with them.

It was love at first sight between Charlie and his new bike. He really learned how to ride the thing fast... First he had to get the peddling at a new height mastered, and then he had to fine tune his steering skills. It didn’t take him long until he was comfortable riding around the cul-de-sac. He was having a great time, and I think the smiles shown here are priceless. I also took a movie of him on the bike, but I need to figure out how to compress it before I bog everyone’s email down. :)

Andy got a new RC truck for Christmas. He had fun driving it around our house – he likes to put up ramps and make jumps for them. The animals go between being entertained and frightened. Andy also took one of his trucks out into the cul-de-sac and drove it around so that Charlie could practice steering his bike to follow the car. Charlie was very excited about this.

And me? I was having fun with my new camera... Still am! I got a macro lens for it, so I am still learning how to use that... But all of these pictures were on the new camera, and I am pretty impressed!

Me playing with my new lens to take a picture of Santa on my mantle.

Andy controlling his new truck.

Christmas Morning 2009

While Charlie was busy being overwhelmed by everything Santa had brought him, Andy and I sat down and started to eat our breakfast. I had bought donuts and english muffins, but we stuck to the donuts! I put one out for Charlie too, but in all of his excitement, he only had about two bites. That was a first!

It was probably an hour later that he was finally looking a little less overwhelmed and we decided to open presents. He was very, very excited! He got a lot of really neat gifts, and we are still doling them out slowly to him. I think his favorites are a tape measure, (simplest gift ever but Andy got one too,) the dinosaur from Toy Story, and a camera that we are still learning how to use. At one point, Andy put a bow on top of his head... Charlie thought it was hilarious. I thought it was hilarious when Charlie decided to put a bow on Andy’s head while he was opening!

Andy and I also got some things that we were really excited about. Andy got a new multitool from his dad and another RC truck... I think he has moved away from the helicopters and on to the trucks. :) We both got a lot of DVD’s and Blu Ray’s to watch, which is good timing with the fact that we will be home for awhile! We are most excited about watching the Star Trek movie and the old V miniseries. I got a scrapbook from my mom with all of the pages pre-made... I am very excited about that... And a new camera. We were looking at getting a camcorder with the arrival of Little Bit, but were not impressed with what was out there. We found out that the newer version of my old camera also takes HD video and is quite an improvement on the photos too... So we decided to upgrade that instead. I am very pleased with that decision, and only wish that I’d had more time to play with it before the baby arrives. Don’t mind Andy and my appearance in these photos too much... We both were in the worst stages of our cold, so we look a little interesting!

We also received several gifts for Little Bit. My grandma gave us a baby book – I did not have one yet, so I was very excited! And then we received some cute outfits and a little teddy bear. Charlie had fun opening them with me. So far we haven’t seen much jealousy... It probably helps that he has just had a birthday and a successful Christmas, so he is getting plenty for himself as well. :)

We had a very relaxing and enjoyable Christmas. We hope that you all enjoyed your Christmases as well!