A Long Week (Old Site)

If I were to liken my journey to adoption thus far to a hike, I would say... it is as though you are taking a hike with a map a friend lent you. But, when you arrived at the trail head you found that the map was five years old. The trail is still there, but overgrown in many spots. There are a lot of twists, a few detours, and occasionally you feel a rock stuck in your shoe. Try as you might, it takes you awhile to locate that rock and remove it. You may start to wonder if the hike is really five miles, as your map told you it would be, or twenty-five miles, or more. At some point on your hike, the ranger changed the course of the trail so that it went through a giant thicket. Now you’ve completely veered off the map you were provided. In fact, when you get to the supposed trail’s end, you find a sign that directs you to continue another several miles until you reach any sign of civilization. Every now and then you pass by a note left by some random traveler that has already past... telling you which way to turn, which holes to avoid, where to find water, and providing comfort in the idea that someone else made it to the end. Sometimes, (most of the time,) you just might wish that you weren’t on the trail at all.

Such was last week for me... and I think Andy would concur. As I mentioned a few weeks ago, Andy and I are nearly done with the homestudy process, and have now turned to obtaining our foster license. “No big deal!” That’s what went through my head as I looked up the licensing requirements and spoke to my adoption agency, (WACAP... which is really a great agency.) Here’s what you have to do to become licensed in Washington:
- Pass a homestudy review (already done)
- Take a CPR/First Aid/Bloodborn Pathogen class (taking next month)
- Complete a whole bunch of paperwork (we’re becoming pros at this)
- Pass a background check (this process was changed by law in July and now takes a minimum of six weeks... even though we already passed background checks in February we have to do it again thanks to the law.)
- Take a TB test (back to the doctor we go)
- Get references (no prob)
- Complete pre-service training - called PRIDE (book pictured above.)

It doesn’t look like a horrible list, but when you start to go through everything, it just reminds you how much you have already done... and it makes you a little testy.

We started our PRIDE training last week and will conclude it this week. 32 hours in a small room learning about these poor children and how to best care for them. It is very difficult for me to sit there... but I know that I have to do it so that I can check off one more thing on my list.

Andy and I are aiming to be fully licensed and homestudied by the end of October, (granted the FBI checks comply.) When it is done I am personally throwing myself a party. This process has been long and difficult, especially after so many years of fertility concerns. I do not mean to complain, not really, because I know that it will have been worthwhile in the end. We have met some very nice, knowledgeable and compassionate people on our journey. Really the agencies that we are working with are very good and have gone out of their way to help us. But, as I was sitting in that room last week... knowing that our child is probably out there and unknowingly waiting for us to finish our requirements... I couldn’t help but get a little frustrated. I know that it will all be worth it!

Boone has been a huge help to my morale for the last two months. He had a good week last week, and is turning into a great dog. He plays fetch well and will drop the ball in my hand now. He is also walking well on a leash... we’ve been going for at least a mile a day... and is doing well socially with other dogs. He had a growth spurt last week and seems to be higher off the ground now! I have updated the pictures in his album, check them out... he’s very cute!

Boone's Best Buddy (Old Site)

Last week at the Kovar’s the most interesting things that happened all revolved around Boone. During the past two weeks Boone has been developing a healthy amount of hyperactivity. We have been doing our best to provide both physical and mental stimulation so that he has positive outlets for his energy. He is doing well although we have had some struggles as of late. This weekend our vet kindly reassured me that Boone’s behaviors are normal, although he included a statement that Boone appears to be a little more dominant than some puppies. Boone is challenging my dominance daily... but I am confident that he will eventually learn that I will always win. He doesn’t challenge Andy as much as he does me! I have added a Season Pass for the Dog Whisperer to my Tivo, and I am watching it daily. Mostly I am working on my own behavior... remaining calm and confident is not as easy as it sounds!

We will start obedience classes in two more weeks. Boone already knows several commands... He knows sit, down, stand, home, outside, in, watch and fetch very well. This week we started working on stay. He is actually doing really well with it too.

This weekend has been good for Boone. He received the last of his boosters and is now allowed to mingle with other dogs. He still really likes going to the vet, which makes it easy! He weighed 30 pounds flat at this vet appointment. That’s an 8 pound gain in 3 weeks time!

On Saturday he had his first play date with his new best friend, Porter. Candice brought Porter over to our backyard for a two hour adventure. It was really the first time that Boone had been around another dog off-leash since we brought him home. I was a little nervous, but figured that Porter would be a good trial run for him... he’s four years old, just a little smaller than Boone is right now... and Porter has an abundance of energy too. When Porter first came over, he spent about 10 minutes running away from Boone’s sniffing. Then Boone made the mistake of nipping at him, and at that moment Porter decided that he was going to take charge. They started playing and didn’t really stop for two hours, although they took a lot of quiet time in-between runs. They spent a lot of time running the perimeter of the yard, (Porter always in front,) and also played fetch team-style. Boone was actually calm for the remainder of the day! Boone is very excited for Porter to come over and play again. (And so am I!)

Boone also met two neighbor dogs this week - Jack and Shadow. Jack lives next door to us, and Boone has been watching him through our fence for weeks. He did well with both of them too.

Here are some pictures from the play date on Saturday.

Oh the Games We Play (Old Site)

Hello people! What a normal week we have had. (At least compared to the couple before it.) Boone is now big into games. He loves Frisbee even more than he did last week... (I think he knows what I mean when I say “Frisbee” now.) He also loves to chase after a tennis ball... and his current favorite game is one I like to call, “Stuff as many toys into my mouth as possible.” So far he hasn’t been able to carry more than three toys at once. He also is big into collecting and gathering his toys now. He will drag them all over to wherever we are hanging out... one by one... and drop them all at our feet. It is really cute.

Of course, we are also going through some pretty heavy “puppy-hood”. I think Boone needs other dogs to play with... soon we will be able to start obedience classes, and I’m excited for the socialization that will bring.

In other news, I finally finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. So the series is now over. I actually delayed finishing the book for a couple of days because I didn’t want it to end. I thought the book was very good - and I wish there was more. I don’t think there will be though!

I also decided it was high time I get a picture of Tiger up... so here is one for him. It was so nice this weekend, and Tiger’s favorite sport is to hang out in a warm spot. He and Boone are acclimating to each other finally. They actually can lay down side by side... they tolerate one another, but I don’t think they’ll ever be friends!

Frisbees! (Old Site)

Boone turned 14 weeks old today... and he has learned a valuable new skill. Daja sent him a present this week that made all of us very happy. Andy and I enjoy playing Frisbee quite a bit. Andy actually made it a condition of our marriage that I had to be a successful Frisbee tosser before we were married. (I'd like to think that, had I not learned the skill, he would have married me anyway...?)

We have continued to play Frisbee throughout the 9 years we've been married. And we were really hoping that Boone would eventually enjoy it as well. The present he received from Daja was a soft and tough frisbee-like toy. Andy and I have been tossing it back and forth with Boone nearly every day this past week... at least for a little bit, so that he can see the way the game works.

Today we took it outside and decided that we would involve Boone a little bit more... and within mere minutes, he had successfully caught his first frisbee mid-air! And then he did it at least three more times.

Boone has had a good week overall. During previous weeks his physical changes were the most prevalent. This week I noticed a marked behavioral change... our boy is calming down. He definitely understands "off" now, (although he occasionally chooses to pretend he has no idea what I am talking about,) and is getting so that he will come bring his toy to wherever I am sitting and lay down near me to play. He is biting less... and is even starting to get the jumping under control. Boone is growing into a wonderful boy!

Enjoy the Frisbee catch pictures below, and visit his album for other updated pictures!

The Homestudy Visit (Old Site)

What a week we have had! Two weeks ago we went into deep preparations for our homestudy visit - but the intensity really picked up last Sunday and didn’t let up until the caseworker walked out of our door around 1pm yesterday. For the last two weeks all I could think about was this upcoming trial. I felt that it was crucial that our case worker not only feel that we are “adequate,” but also that she genuinely liked us. Why? The culmination of the entire homestudy process, which we began in February, is a package of information for prospective agencies, caseworkers and birthparents to review. At the front of the package is a report that is written by the caseworker. This report will become our “face” to the individuals that have the power to allow us to add a child to our family. With the volume of people that want to adopt, agents of available children often have many homestudies to review. We want ours to be appealing, to present us in the best light, and to be persuasive for these individuals... Therefore, the caseworker just had to like us!

This all means that I have been quite obsessive for the last week especially. Andy and I worked every night on our house. We didn’t need to do as much as we did, but I just didn’t want there to be anything to detract from our adequacy. My house is now fully unpacked - a feat that I never accomplished in my last house - and cleaner than it ever has been. We cleaned vents, blinds... I’m telling you, we were obsessive. We also reviewed our autobiographical statements, a series of 65 introspective questions that all adoptive or foster parents in Washington are required to answer individually. (I now have a 22 page autobiography and Andy has a 14 page one.) Additionally, we had to prepare a parenting resource plan that will help prepare us to handle any developmental, emotional or physical issues that our child faces. Okay, I am usually pretty good with introspection. I am usually pretty good with writing out honest answers about my feelings. But, I am telling you, this was a lot for me to handle. It was intense. Just imagine the intensity for Andy - and maybe you can imagine some of the “discussions” (aka bickering) that occurred in my house this week.

I love my husband immensely. He is an amazing partner and an amazing support for me. He is going to be an incredible father. I am respectful and impressed with the way he is handling the pressure of this process - but, it was a little easy to forget that last week. Sorry, Andy. The second the caseworker left it was like this huge load lifted.

The silly thing is that we had prepared this once before with our last caseworker, but the visit never happened. (And because we’d prepared it once before, it was done to a greater degree this time.) We have been juggled around a bit since we began the process in February - our first caseworker was not a good match for us and ended up leaving the agency. It took us over a month to be assigned to a new caseworker. But our new caseworker is a great match for us - she is responsive, understanding and knowledgeable. The delays that we have had are frustrating, but it feels like they are over.

The homestudy visit went better than I ever expected. Not only do I think our caseworker genuinely likes us, but we genuinely like her as well. She assisted us in making sure that our choice of program is right for us, (don’t worry - we did not change our minds again,) and interviewed us in regards to our expectations of our future child and our abilities as parents. I think we passed with flying colors.

So, what’s next? Well we have decided to adopt from the US Kids program, which means that we will be adopting a child out of foster care. Next for us is to become licensed foster parents so that we have greater flexibility. This means that we have to complete Washington’s PRIDE training for foster parents, which is a series of four one day classes. We also have to become CPR certified, be fingerprinted, and take TB testing. In addition we need to finish a course from our agency, do some more paperwork and prepare pictures of ourselves and our home. We are hoping to have this all completed mid-October. It could happen really quick once this is all done, or it could take a couple of years. But I am beginning to allow myself to believe that this will happen.

Our child is already born. He or she already exist, and is out there waiting somewhere for us. I can’t describe how weird it is to know that. Or how emotional I get thinking about it. But - we have taken a huge step closer to them. It all feels more real today than it did two days ago. Andy and my journey to parenthood has been long and trying. It started eight years ago, and hope has diminished in varying quantities for the last six or seven years. I feel like it is safe to hope again... and that is both scary and exciting.