My Little Princess

My sister Keira sent this dress for Macie shortly after we learned she was a girl,
Before any pre-eclampsia drama,
And it was not just the first dress we had for her,
But also the very first outfit.

At the time that I was placed on bed rest,
And even when I went into the hospital,
And thus - when Macie was born,
I had very few clothes for her.
This may seem strange,
But realize I was bed rested during the first week of the third trimester,
It really was still quite early.
I thought I would have so much more time,
But I didn't.

So, when Macie was born I had a few 3 month outfits,
And a couple of random gifts from family.
And this dress.
This beautiful dress.

This dress became an anchor for me.

I held it,

I pictured it,

I dreamt of my little girl.

That she would be born,

She would grow,

And someday I'd be able to put this dress on her.

When she was in the NICU,

I came home from the hospital and touched this dress every day.

Once, during that first scary and long week,

I held it as I slept.

I did these things to remind myself that she wouldn't always be weak,

Or small,

Or dependent on so much aide.

It turns out that in crisis,

I become a creature of habit.

In some ways, perhaps borderline OCD.

But I did what I had to do to keep my sanity,

To be strong when I was with my girl.

The day I put this dress on her,

I cried

In remembrance of another time. 

I realized that it was all true.

It wasn't a dream.

It was reality.

What a difference a few short months can make.

And what a strong, little (yet so big) princess my Macie has become.