When they started my magnesium in my room, I told them that it hurt badly. I had a little problem with IV's while I was in the hospital; especially after I started the lasix. So to put my third IV of my hospital stay in, they had to try four sites. The only site that worked was in the top of my left hand. But when they started to use it it not only burned, but actually hurt. I had already had magnesium and it hadn't felt that way. But the nurses told me that it probably hurt more because it was in the top of my hand. So I tried to ignore the pain.
When we got into the OR, I stepped up to the operating table and sat with my back to the student anesthesiologist. She started scrubbing my back when Andy walked in. I felt her pushing on my spine to identify the correct injection spot. At that same time the nurse realized that my IV fluids were no longer flowing. Right after the anesthesiologist injected the numbing stuff, the nurse came over to inspect my IV. It had failed. The staff anesthesiologist, came over to try to start a new IV. Meanwhile the student anesthesiologist kept poking at my back. It took the staff anesthesiologist three sites to find a working vein. The good news on the IV that he put in is that it was the best IV I had the whole time I was in the hospital. It didn't hurt a bit, was attached perfectly, and functioned for the two days that I needed it.
Then the student anesthesiologist reinjected a numbing agent to start the process on the spinal. She told me that she was going to insert the needle, and she did. And it hurt. And it wasn't in the right spot. She tried two more times and kept hitting bones. Finally the staff anesthesiologist stepped in and got the spinal done on the fourth try. Two weeks later I still have four healing scars on my back. (Not to mention the seven small scars from the different IV's and IV attempts in the hospital... and my bruised inner elbows from all of the blood draws.)
I don't really know how I stayed calm through the IV fails and the spinal fails. It took them about 20 minutes to get through all of it. I did have the same determination at that point that I had with Ephram. I knew that the surgery was just something that I had to do, and so panicking wasn't going to serve any purpose. But in my first c-section, my IV worked great and my spinal went in on the first attempt ... and didn't hurt. So once again, my daughter and my pregnancy with her proved to be more complex.
They quickly laid me down on the table and set to work prepping me and putting up the curtains. The anesthesiologist I'd met with in my room covered me with a warm blanket because I had told her about the horrible shaking I had after Ephram's birth. It was a nice thought, and made me more comfortable. Operating rooms are so cold to begin with. They checked to make sure the spinal was working appropriately. With Ephram it had climbed a little too high. This time it was perfect. It stopped right around my breast bone and I felt like I had control of my breathing. Not feeling that area with Ephram's c-section had been alarming to me and I was glad to not repeat it.
The surgical pause started before I knew it. There were so many people in the room. Two anesthesiologists, two nurses for me, two doctors to do the surgery, the neonatologist, two nurses for the baby, and a respiratory specialist. They all introduced themselves to me and then the surgery began.
Ephram had been a breech baby. He was transverse and took some time to get out. My daughter did better in this area. She was head down, just as she should be. They didn't have to struggle as much with her, and before I knew it I felt the intense pressure that preceded her birth. It was more intense than it had been with Ephram and I had to breathe through it for a couple of minutes. The staff anesthesiologist came over and asked me if I wanted to see. I said yes and he opened the window. My OB, Dr. Schocket, held my little girl right up by the window.
She cried and it was the best sound I have ever heard.
Macie Drew Kovar was born at 5:35pm. She was 3lb, 14 oz and 16.9 inches long. Her head was 32 cm.
Andy left my side and went to be with Macie. My biggest concern for my children is that I want them to know that they are loved and I want them to feel safe. I knew that the first hours would be complex for Macie, and I felt that it was much more important for one of her parents to be there than for Andy to stay with me.
I had a pretty clear view of the table where they were examining Macie. She cried the entire time. I heard them call out the Apgar scores of 8 and 8, and I was happy that they were that high for being born at 33 weeks.
Then they brought her to my side. When they touched her to my shoulder she cried. And when I spoke to her she looked at me and stopped. I had time to touch her head and to give her a kiss.
And then they left. Andy said goodbye and told me that he loved me. I knew that he would stay with Macie and make the right decisions if needed. And I was alone.
With the remainder of the surgical team.
My c-section with Ephram was extremely long. It went over two hours because I had two cysts that needed to be removed at the same time. The entire time that I was pregnant with Macie, I kept telling myself that at least this c-section would be shorter. It could be a normal c-section.
I was a little right. And a little wrong. It was shorter, but not much. It turns out that I scar very aggressively. The doctors had a lot of scar tissue to remove in order to finish the operation. I believe that my surgery started around 5:15 and I didn't get back to my room until 6:40.
For the remainder of the operation I took deep breaths to remain calm. I fell in and out of sleep. And I listened intently to the conversation taking place between the two anesthesiologists behind me. Apparently I was a great case for a student.
Meanwhile, Andy was with Macie. They got her into a room and put her in a giraffe bed. The respiratory specialist noted that she was working very hard to breathe. At 33 weeks, and with the steroid shots, we were all hoping that her lungs would be mature. So he used a technique called blow-by where an oxygen mask is placed increasingly closer to the baby's mouth until their blood oxygen saturation levels normalize. That did not work with Macie, so she was eventually placed on a CPAP which provides continuous positive pressure to the lungs.
Andy talked to the doctor and respiratory specialist a lot, and they explained the different things that could happen with immature lungs. At this point, it was clear that Macie's lungs were less developed than we'd all hoped. After she had settled down and seemed comfortable, he eventually made his way to my room. I was still on the antepartum floor and just down the hall from the NICU. I was so tired and the magnesium had been re-started, which makes me feel fuzzy and confused. I remember listening to what Andy told me and being impressed at all of the knowledge that he'd already acquired.
But mostly, I just wanted my daughter.
I noted that my body was still mostly numb and decided that the best thing I could do was go to sleep. I had about six hours until all feeling should return. And then I'd be able to go meet my daughter. During this time Andy went back and forth between our rooms. I am sure he was torn about which place he should be in.
Macie's delivery was not what we would have planned. Ideally, we'd like to have been several weeks further along. I'd like to have had her and Andy stay by my side as the surgery finished. We would have come back to the room together. I would have held her and tried to do an initial feeding as soon as possible.
None of that happened, and I'm learning to accept that. What I do find comfort in, is that I knew without a doubt that we were in the best place we could be. I knew that the decision for her to come was necessary, even if not wanted. I was grateful to live in this time, when we could be saved. I was thankful that all the nurses at the hospital were so warm and caring, and I knew that they would help Macie feel safe in my absence. And I did have trust in the doctors that they would help my Macie.
And that is how I came to have a daughter. But our journey was about to get more difficult...
1 comment:
Thank you so much for the info. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with all of you. Dzana,, take care of yourself, your family needs you. That is a beautiful little girl. Love you so much, grandma B.
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